After a long day at work last week, I picked up my purse, shut down my computer, and turned the lights out in my office. When I say it had been a long day, I mean it had been one tiny fragment of a streak of long days in bunch of long weeks that have made up the many long months of one long year.
I patted my pockets down in the hallway and realized I’d left my phone on my desk. So I turned back to the office and immediately panicked. I could not see anything. I had gone completely blind.
As soon as it happened, I knew there was no coming back from this. I was instantly, permanently without sight and I knew exactly why. I once read that while Terry Gilliam was directing Brazil, he got so stressed out that one morning he just couldn’t move from his bed, and that must have been what happened to me, too. Stress had taken my vision. I tried not to scream while I flailed around. No need to increase anyone else’s stress by causing a scene over my sudden and irrevocable blindness, I thought.
Everybody’s Got Something to Hide, Except for Me and My Monkey
Remember that time I was mad at every single person and object on the entire planet for no reason at all? I figured out what my problem was.
I had way too many monkeys.
Not, like, actual monkeys. I should back up.
Last week I asked my boss, Ike, if it was alright for me to stop going to a meeting that always leaves me with a feeling similar to the kind one might experience after repeatedly slamming one’s head into a brick wall.
Leaving on a Jet Plane
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re correct. Something about this week’s blog post is different. I’m typing it up about 2,000 miles to the right of where I normally write it. I didn’t think it would be that noticeable. You’re very good.
I’m in Washington, D.C., on a business trip because I am a business person. I can’t prove that, because my business cards slipped my business mind and I left them at my business house, but you’ll have to trust me.
I flew in on Tuesday, I went to a one-day conference on Wednesday, and I’m flying back home on Thursday. Every time I say this to someone, they go, “Wow! Short trip!” and then they make a pitying face.