In the last month, I have received five Facebook friend requests from boys I knew in high school. “Knew” is a strong word in this case, because they have all been people that I knew of — we didn’t hang out in the same groups, we didn’t speak more than once or twice a semester and I can’t say I’ve given any of them much thought since graduating six years ago.
Maybe it’s been long enough that those facts have faded beneath an overwhelming sense of nostalgia for these guys. Maybe those four interactions we had stuck with them all this time and they felt like I would be a worthy addition to their Facebook feed. Maybe my shirts have been too low-cut in my profile pictures. Whatever the reason, they’re hitting the “send request” button and leaving me to stare at my computer screen in confusion.
I don’t know what to do because I can’t really justify not adding them, but I also know that if I’d wanted their virtual friendship, I would have sought it in 2008. I turned to the social media coordinator at my local university for help.
While trying to impress a guy the other day, I turned and asked in my sexiest voice, “Do you know which presidents were the same height you are?” (Yes. I attempted to use presidential height as a flirting technique. I NEVER CLAIMED TO BE COOL.)
“Um. No,” he said, looking at me like I was crazy, although I’m sure I don’t know why. “Do you know which presidents were the same height you are?”
“Duh,” I said. “Look at me! Don’t I remind you of James Madison?”
I’m big on organizing and ordering information. I don’t know if you could tell from my list-based blog, so I’ll come right out and say it: I like lists. A lot.
– Lists are efficient! Say you and I are attacked by bears. (Please don’t let this theoretical situation deter you from inviting me on your next outdoor adventure. I’m super fun on camping trips!) (I’m not fun on camping trips.) You’re carrying a book titled How to Survive a Bear Attack! It’s incredibly in-depth and would probably be helpful if you weren’t currently facing an angry bear. On the other hand, I’m holding a list highlighting the key aspects of bear fighting. While you’re frantically skimming Chapter One (“Identifying Bears”) and being charged by what you now recognize as Ursus americanus, I’m punching my bear in the face and showing what it really means to be an americanus.
Today while failing to fight the side-effects of Dayquil, I wrote a long, rambling Facebook status update about pickles. I’m disappointed in myself. It’s not the pickle rant itself that I’m ashamed of– I always think crazy things when I’m sick and last time I took this much Dayquil I drew a surprisingly intricate picture of a fruit fly.