Observations Made By My Little Brother After Attending His First High School Homecoming Dance, and My Other Brother’s Last, A Surprising Number of Which Are Related to Bigfoot
– I like homecoming.
– Shut up, she was not my date. We’re just friends.
– I think I like homecoming.
– Did you see how Drew and I dressed opposite of each other? His tie was gray and my shirt was, and my tie was black and his shirt was. Man, it was so itchy. But that’s weird, right?
– I like homecoming, and I ate a vanilla wafer!
– I saw Drew dancing. He pretended he wasn’t having fun, but I saw him dancing. He dances like this: (demonstration of stomping and twitching). Like Bigfoot! Exactly how Bigfoot would dance!
– I’ve actually never seen Bigfoot dance. He could be a really good dancer, how would I know?
– I saw Drew dance with a girl. No, she was kind of weird looking.
– Slow dancing was pretty easy. You sort of just walk in circles. I totally knew what I was doing.
– She’s in the color guard in the marching band and we call them “Flags” for short. She was not literally a flag, so stop calling her that. That would have been really dumb. I would have looked dumber than Drew dancing like Bigfoot if I’d showed up to homecoming with a dancing flag.
– People liked my shopping cart dance. No way Bigfoot ever did that. How would he know what a shopping cart looks like? People would notice a giant ape-man in the grocery store.
– I like homecoming. I ate one vanilla wafer! I know I already said that, I just wanted you to know so you’d buy me food.